High standards? Part 1


Moments of failure.
I face those moments when things don't measure up to certain standards set in my mind. It is discouraging and disheartening.
You know the times when "you're about to do something, that you know you shouldn't do,
you've been there before and you really, really know and think that you probably shouldn't go there again,
but you go and do it anyway" times? Yep, moments of failure or 'miscalculation' of the consequences of events outplayed. Or, "I knew I shouldn't have" moments.

Each time when I had felt that I had reached a level of doing the absolute worst, or being completely ignorant of what I felt God wanted me to do, was one of those "I knew I shouldn't have" moments. After they happened, my focus would shift straight to my mistake or what I should have done and stay there for ridiculous amounts of time.

I have been ‘trying’to be a Christian for years now and have come across a few setbacks through my journey in my particular world. Working in a non-christian environment, not having a support group or supporting Christian friends left me really lost,confused and struggling at times in terms of my influence and my reflection on life. Because of those experiences, I have come to the conclusion that Christian living is impossible without an ongoing relationship with Jesus, and impossible without support by friends and members of the church.

I’ve started reading a new book that I received as a gift last year. It’s called ‘The Jesus Lifestyle’ by Nicky Gumbel. The book focuses on the Sermon on the Mount given by Jesus, 'The Beatitudes' and uses Jesus' teachings to show us how to apply the Jesus lifestyle.
Whilst reading, I came across the excerpt below:
"Jesus is insatiable. Everything we do pleases Him but nothing satisfies Him
I have been satisfied with Jesus. He has not been satisfied with me. 
He keeps raising the standards. He walks in high places. 
He is generous but uncompromising in His call." - John Wimber


(pause for thought here)

So, what does this mean?
I was left utterly confused. I pondered in deep thought then asked myself some questions.
Will He ever be satisfied with me?
Will I ever reach His standards?
I'm a christian, but will I ever be a christian???
These questions resonated in my mind and now leave me searching for answers.