Life through hearts guarded PART 1

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.."

Proverbs 4:23

I have a burden on my heart. It grows heavy as I walk deeper into God's calling of my life.
If you've been keeping up with my posts and know me for my vision, let me convince you even more why knowing Jesus as the Keeper of hearts has changed my life for the better.

If this is your first time here, then welcome :) I would ask that you read my vision as well as this post before continuing on. It will help give you a run down on who I am and the context of this post.

This week, I was reminded of the purpose of my blog. The reminder wasn't only a mental occurance in my mind but rather, a remembrance in my heart of the pain I had once held and pain that was once mine. During my quiet time this week, I desired to tune my heart and ears toward the spirit of God. I asked the holy spirit to cleanse my heart, cleanse my soul and cleanse my mind. As a result of the time spent with God's spirit I could feel my heart once again, tune into God's. My heart had tuned in to the Father's heart.

That moment of remembrance of what I once went through, brought back a true sense of the depth of darkness I was in. The feeling of defeat that overshadowed me in my life and such a deep sadness of where I had let myself get to in life. I remembered that I was the cause of finding myself in such a deep mess.

My heart is heavy. Oh how I wonder, how I survived such a deep sense of hopelessness...

I long and desire for no one to feel the sense of hopelessness that I did. It brought me to such a deep level of loneliness. I remember the days and the nights where I would cry and no one would hear me or know what I was feeling. I didn't think or believe that any one would understand or be able to help me, so I isolated myself even more. One afternoon, after coming home from work I lost the strength to hold myself together and I found myself on my bedroom floor not able to control the tears or stop myself from crying.
Oh, how it hurt. At that very moment of the deepest pain I had ever felt, something snapped in my heart. "There must be someone else who knows of what I feel," was the statement it had demanded. And from there, a spontaneous moment of strength led me to my notebook and there began my first journal entries which inspired me to start Keeper of hearts.

From those days, I began to pray and seek God. I wasn't sure if he was going to hear me or see me because I had felt so bad and guilty for the mess I had put myself in. Even so, I pressed on and every day I would pour out myself to Him. Day after day, I felt his love slowly putting the pieces of my heart back together. I saw more and more of his grace being poured out upon someone so unworthy yet in such a deep need for a love that was unfailing. Jesus, was rescuing me from the deepest pit of despair. It was beauty in the making, it was a love story untold and it was the final piece needed to restore my broken heart.

So, how was it that I was able to get to such a point of deep pity and sorrow? What was it that I had done? you may ask.

I will save that for another post.

to be continued....